Thursday, October 14, 2010
Blessings in disguise?
I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. Unfortunately, there is a big gap between the dad that he is and the father that I wish he could have been inmylife. There is so much that a girl needs her father to teach her and because he never did, I feel like there is so much that I don't know. I think the most important of these is how to trust and be a daughter. I feel like my relationship with God and the Lord could be so much deeper and stronger and more meaningful if I understood how to trust in them and lean on them. I have had to put so much effort into developing that trust that I feel like I have missed out on learning so many other things in the meantime.
I have been spending a lot of time and effort and faith on forgiving my dad for the things he did and those he didn't do, as well, and on remembering the things he did that made me feel good and loved. I want to get to the point where I accept the fact that he was the person that I needed to be my dad in order to become the perfect daughter that I want to be, and where I love him despite the painful things he did, he said, and the things he didn't do or didn't say. I know I am like him in a lot of ways, some good and some not so good, and I know that there are a lot of things that I can learn from him, whether he taught me by example or by non example. I guess some blessings are strange like that, they can be disguised as the painful thorns that keep the enemies away rather than the beauty of the flower, so easily recognized.