Maintaining a black belt perspective

It is often said, in the martial arts world, that a black belt is nothing more than a white belt who never gave up. This is the black belt way of thinking. Persistence. Confidence. Meditation. Visualization. Focus. Effort. Sweat. Intensity. Creativity. Power.
These are the traits that I continue to work on inmylife outside of the dojo. Even though I am not currently a formal martial arts student, I am a martial artist. I have a black belt, and I hope to, when the time is right, continue on my path of black belt excellence, however far it will take me. When I tell people I meet that I am a black belt, I want them to look at me and say, "Of course you are! I knew there was something amazing about you!" not "You are? I never knew that?!?!"
You do not need to be a martial artist to have this kind of strength. You just need to find a way to develop it through positive thinking and meditation. We can accomplish anything we want to, whether it is breaking a stack of boards with our bare hands or conquering Mount Everest or just being happy with who we are and where we are at, as long as we tell ourselves we have that kind of power. You don't need a black belt around your waist to think like a black belt.

Karate Creeds

A few days ago, I found myself struggling to remember the words to the student creeds and that really ticked me off. For two and a half years, I recited them almost daily, and now I can't remember them hardly at all. :( I think I am getting early onset Alzheimer's or something. I got my black belt in April and then some things inmylife really started to go downhill and I think part of that was that the Lord was trying to tell me that I needed to reevaluate my priorities, of which karate was taking up a huge part of my life, and although I was learning important things, I needed to start to learn some other lessons, so I quit the karate in July. I hope to return to karate training someday and continue for the rest of my life, but right now there are other personal and spiritual things I need to do.
Anyways, as I started to realize that I was forgetting these creeds (after only 2 months) I was really upset because I want to remember them to help me inmylife. Luckily, I found them on someone's blog. Yeah! I am going to make them into posters and hang them in my extra room, which I need to start to use as my workout room. I also want to put up my karate pictures and Black Belt certificate. Let's see if and when all this happens. :)

1: I will develop myself in a postive manner and avoid anything that will reduce my mental growth or my physical health.

2: I will develop self discipline in order to bring out the best in myself and others.

3: I will use what I learn in class constructively and defensively to help myself and my fellow man and never to be abusive or offensive.

And (this is not really a creed, but a good quote)

"I come to you with only karate-empty hands, I have no weapons, but should I be forced to defend myself, my principles, or my honor- should it be a matter of life or death, of right or wrong, then here are my weapons, karate- my empty hands." Ed Parker (kara-te translated means "empty hands")

Life's Challenges

Disclaimer: This is a bittersweet post. Mostly bitter, but slightly sweet. . . maybe.

I'm back! I know I need to get back into this blogging thing, but I always think that my life is so boring, what with having no children or husband to add excitement to my daily journey. I don't have a whole lot going on myself, just work and that's pretty much it. After I got my own place in April, things started to take a plunge inmylife. Pain that I thought was long ago buried somehow found a way of creeping up and haunting me. I found things that I wanted to change and wounds I wanted to heal. This has been a very difficult journey, to say the least. I have lost friends, or so it seems. Something inside of me is still hoping that maybe things will get better eventually and friendships will rekindle, but I am not sure. I have cried nearly every day since May. Sometimes, all day long. I wonder if the Lord really hears and answers my prayers because, although things have become at least bearable, I don't think they are really better. At least I can make it through each day and say, "I'm alive," which at least, on some level is a huge accomplishment.
However, now that school has started, things are somewhat back to normal. I am not doing karate any more. Although, I hope that within the year, I can get back into it. With everything that has been going on, I am not in a place emotionally to be able to do it and have fun. I was starting to get burned out anyway as I got closer to my black belt. Since quitting, I have found other reasons, too, that I needed to take a break from it. I need to take care of some debts . . . my school loans are barely coming out of deferment/forbearance, so I need to start paying those off and I need to start working on my Master's (which will put the loans back into deferment if I want to). But I am hoping to get back to the karate in the spring or summer if everything works out and I find that things have gotten better.
Right now, though, it seems as though all I do is work and then go home and spend time reading or on Facebook, which I hate, but I feel like I have nothing better to do (when I know I really could be doing better things). But I guess I am not doing so bad after all since I am surviving and starting to feel a little hopeful about things in the future. Let's just see how I feel tomorrow.

Oh, and P.S. another good thing is that I am will be an auntie again. This time a little niece. Lauren Michelle Watts is due mid January. January 18th, to be exact, and that is my sister Kelly's birthday. She is a proud auntie and hoping that Lauren makes her debut on schedule.

Not New Year's Resolutions

I don't believe in setting New Year's Resolutions because I think resolutions and goals should be something that are a continual focus, rather than simply in January (and forgotten by February). I do, however, believe in setting and achieving goals all throughout the year, big and small. I have several goals that I am working on right now, and two that are really big! I mean, really big, but I know that they are achievable! You know me though, DREAM BIG or don't dream at all!
1. PARTICIPATE IN THE UTAH SUMMER GAMES in Cedar City. I have been considering this since a few students in my karate school were talking about it last year, although only one of them actually did. I would really like to do this to gain some valuable experience.
2. EARN MY BLACK BELT. Since I was a kid, I have dreamed of doing karate and now I have done it. I am so proud of myself for finally doing it. Now after several years, I can actually see, smell, and taste the black belt (well, not really, but you know what I mean). This was never part of the dream and I am so excited that I have made it this far!

Ban Bu

As many of you know, karate has become an important part of my life. I have been training since January 2008. Right now I am a brown belt, one of four girls who are the highest rank at my school. It's kind of exciting but stressful. We have been training for our Ban Bu test. Ban Bu is a brown belt with a black stripe in the center. It is the first of the high level belts and the testing process becomes quite a bit harder. We are required to do a physical test which includes running 2 miles in 20 minutes and then completing the rest in another 10 minutes (100 sit ups, 50 pushups: 10 each of uppercut, vertical knuckle, horizontal knuckle, fingertip, and triangle, and 5 pull ups or holding above the bar for 30 seconds). Then, we have to complete the curriculum testing that takes several more hours and includes all kata (forms), self defense, and sparring. There is also a written test and a written thesis that we complete. This is the same test that you have to pass for all belts above Ban Bu (Han Ban Bu, Chan Ban Bu, Black, Black Belt higher degrees), but some of the requirements on the written tests change and more curriculum is learned and tested, of course.
I am having a horrible time with the physical part of the test. At this point, I have not been able to run the 2 miles in 20 minutes or do the pull ups so on the practice tests, I have only gotten 15/40 points on that portion of the test. This is very stressful for me and I am trying to remain positive and know that I can complete it just like everyone else who has done it.
The "real" test is coming up a week from Saturday. I will have a horrible birthday if I don't pass it, so everyone, just pray for me, please!

Black Belt/Leadership Essay (Kwon Shu/Kenpo)

So, I had to write a short essay for karate as an assignment for acceptance into the leadership team. This is what I came up with:

"Over the past 14 months, karate has become a very important part of my life. As a child, I had a great desire to get involved in karate, yet I don’t really know where this dream came from. None of my friends or anyone in my family was interested or involved in martial arts at all. It just started to grow in me one day until it became all consuming. Maybe it was from the first time that I saw the movie, The Karate Kid. Something about that movie just spoke to me, but the possibility of ever achieving that dream was almost instantly pushed aside when I realized the futility of asking for something like that. I remember asking to participate in soccer, and laying in bed thinking about what I would say and how I could present it to my mother, and when I did I knew I would have to have a way to come up with the money. That was no where near as expensive as karate would be all year, and so I never asked. I knew she would respond with frustrated words similar to, “You know we don’t have the money for that. Why don’t you call your dad and ask him if he can pay for something like that!” I knew full well that would never happen, especially since I had already asked him to help me buy my $15 PE uniform, which he refused, and so, that was it, the hope of ever fulfilling that dream was gone. I dropped it completely, knowing it was hopeless to continue to even think about it at all. But dreams never do really die. They always seem to find a way to pop back up from time to time, always tormenting you until you take the time to pursue them, which is what I finally decided to do. I was talking to my mom on the phone one evening and told her how much I wanted to do this and reminded her of how I had wanted to do this since I was about 8 or 9 years old. She had completely forgotten it and was surprised. I started to cry terribly and told her I felt like I would never be able to do this and that I was so frustrated that I let myself just sweep so many hopes and dreams aside or ignore them all these years just because I was so worried about everyone else. I didn’t know why it was so important to me, but the emotions became so strong, and the years of frustration finally just started to pour out.
I am grateful beyond measure that I finally listened to my heart and took the initiative to do this! I have learned so many things through karate, not just about self defense, but about myself; who I am, what I hope to achieve and be, and what I can be. From the time when this dream was born at 8 years old until I finally acted upon it last year, I never really thought, “I want to be a black belt.” I don’t know why I wanted to do karate or what I hoped to get out of it, I just wanted it and I knew I needed it. Something about it just called to me even though I didn’t know what it had to offer. But, since I started, I have learned to set higher goals and to believe that they really can be achieved. I have always been a determined person and once I start something, I usually see it through to the end. Yet, since starting karate, I have become even more focused on what I can become. Earning a black belt isn’t about status or rank and it isn’t the end of the road either. As I see it, earning my black belt is just the beginning. Maybe I will continue on and earn higher degrees, but even if I don’t, it is about the fact that I listened to myself and responded. This tells me that I can continue to listen and respond for the rest of my life, no matter what the situation might be.
For me, it isn’t about why I would be a great black belt. Instead, it is about why a black belt would be great for me. Until last year, I would never have seen myself where I am today and where a black belt can take me. Knowledge, wisdom, strength, confidence, faith, determination, physical health, and spiritual and emotional awareness are just a few of the things that I have seen grow and I know will continue to grow on the road to earning my black belt. These are things that I could develop through very few other pursuits. I don’t know that I have anything more to offer than anyone else, which would make me a better candidate for a black belt, but I know that what it has to offer me is something I can not deny or refuse."

 

Did anybody see which way Mr. Wednesday went?

So today, I woke up thinking that it was Wednesday and I didn't realize until halfway through the morning that it was actually Thursday. During the morning announcements, the principal reminded the teachers that faculty meeting is tomorrow morning and how he knew we were all so excited to be there bright and early. I thought, "Since when do we have faculty meeting on a Thursday morning?" I seriously was confused all morning and expected to hear that he had made a mistake, but then I was doing something and looked at the calendar to see the date and ta-da! the light came on and I was so excited! Tomorrow is Friday! I love Fridays so much! I was sincerely happy and excited to the max!

Also, I finally was able to speak with Juan's mama today. I tried to call PCMC yesterday and found out that he is not staying as an inpatient like I thought. So I thought he must be at the Ronald McDonald House or something. I got the number for the translator and left her a voice mail explaining that I was coming up over the weekend and wanted to see Juan if it worked out for him and his family. She talked to them, but I ended up talking to his mom before she got back to me. I was proud of myself because I was able to use my Spanish really well and converse with her largely in her language. She actually is better with English than I remember, and so it was easier than I expected it to be. It sounds like the outlook is better than I had heard. He is doing a strong regimen of radiation almost every day and started a chemo cycle that is quite heavy too, but they are planning on coming back home next week and he will get treatment down here for a while, then go back up to SLC in a few months. I feel so much better after speaking to her. She did say that he is having a hard time, missing school a lot and that she has had a hard time trying to explain to him that all this is "for his good to make him get better." I can't imagine trying to explain that to an 8 year old. "This is making you sick, but it will make you better." So, she said it would be fine for me to come visit and I hope he is doing well.

The tournament is Saturday morning and I am still freaking out! I hope my nerves can settle down pretty soon or else I might just do something totally embarrassing and freeze up.

P.S. Happy birthday, big brother! Michael is getting old!!!!!!!!!!

Is there a Red Bull for Confidence?

I have a karate tournament coming up on Saturday and I am starting to really freak out mentally. It is the first time I will be competing in one for karate. I am really nervous that I will completely blank when the judges call my name and completely forget what I should say and do. . . and that I will just totally suck at sparring. My mom and Kelly will be going up there with me and will be there to support me, but I am not sure if they will be that impressed. I need to figure out how to boost my confidence really fast!

Weekend fun

So I made my pirate pants and you will be impressed to know that they fit and they look spectacular. I also made a pair for a friend so that we can both be "piratas" for Halloween! I am excited...
I also helped paint the karate studio. What a job! I was there helping for about 10 hours on Saturday and then they went back on Sunday to finish up. It looks awesome though! We painted below the chair rail jet black and then above the chair rail is a sort of greenish brown called "Harvest Brown." The colors look awesome together. They are going to paint around the yin yang red and that will look so cool. It was hard work because the part we painted black is textured really heavily to look like rock so it is really bumpy and took forever to just edge it . . . which was also compounded by the fact that I am super perfectionistic and meticulous and the second I got a drip on the baseboard I had to wipe it so that it was completely smooth and straight. But it pays off because it is beautiful!!!!!!

I crave adventure!

Well, this isn't really what most would call an adventure, but it was my excitement for the evening, I suppose. It is 2:10 now and I can finally sit down and blog about it.
Tonight, as I was leaving my karate class, I called Kelly to see if they were back from Vegas yet. As I was talking to her on my cell, I tried to start my car and realized that it wouldn't start. So I hurriedly said bye to her without telling her why because I had to catch the other people before they took off to see if they could give me a jump ... it was already after dark and I wouldn't be able to find anyone else. So Jennifer, a girl from class, and my instructor, Marc, were looking at it with me and we didn't think it really was the battery because the lights all came on and the ignition was dinging and everything else seemed to work. Also, the sound the engine made wasn't like a normal dead battery, so we didn't even try to jump it. I decided to call for roadside assistance because it is still under warranty. So they all stuck around with me for a while since it was dark and then the Wilsons went home to drop off the family and Shalynn was going to come back to take me home- which I didn't want them to have to do since I live 20 minutes away on the other side of town, but it was the only thing I could do. Well, when they left, I started to think it probably was the battery anyway and that it just had enough "juice" to run the lights because things just didn't seem to be working to their normal power. Finally, I realized that the light on the very back inside the door that lifts up had been left on. My bow staff, which is 6 feet long, must have hit the little switch from it's normal position and made it stay on killing the battery.
So when the tow guy got there, he told me he thought he could jump it and give it a good charge, which I was hoping would work (in fact, my exact words were "please work, please work, please work! Yeah!!!!") because I hate having to figure out how to get a ride... and hoping that it would be fixed by Monday was sending me into a melt down. (As you can tell, I don't deal well with car failure- that is one of my greatest stressors because of all the crap we had to deal with growing up with cars that were run into the ground.) So, anyways Mr. Bracken's Tow Truck Guy saved the day and jumped my car and brought it back to life and I didn't have to give him a penny because I have my lovely warranty. And Shalynn didn't have to drive 40 minutes out of her way. And I have a car for the whole weekend and don't have to think about that anymore. And I don't have to worry about whether or not I will have a car for Monday. And . . . I am very happy.
If only we had jumped it anyways to begin with...



Tomorrow (or shall I say, later today, since it is now 2:30 in the am?) I will attempt to sew.
Yes . . . me . . . sew. . . (Methinks I hear laughter!) with a machine, in fact! A pair of PIRATICAL, red, stripey pants for Halloween. I appreciate your vote of confidence...

Swiss Days Slideshow

Super Swiss Days

The town of Santa Clara had their annual Swiss Days celebration today. I have never gone to it before, but finally did today because my karate school was participating in the parade. After the parade we had a booth set up next to the town hall where people could come and break boards. I mostly just hung out with my instructor's wife and kids, but we had tons of fun. The weather was pretty nice too. Although it was warm, there was a really nice breeze throughout the day. I did still manage to get burned on the back of my neck, arms, and the good ole raccoon sunglasses face.
We had a good turnout for the parade. A bunch of kids came and we walked the few blocks and did some kicks and demos. It was nice and short, but still fun. The kids were really excited. I saw a lot of people that I knew from school since I teach on that side of town. It was a great Saturday activity and I will definitely be going again. Not to mention that Santa Clara is such a cute and pretty town, especially the historic area where the events took place, and I don't get to get out there very much so it was nice to see that too.

Karate Kicks Butt!

Kelly was kind and patient enough with me to get some great pictures in our backyard. Yes, I chopped my hair too...

Suck up your pride and just do it

I am going to be getting my blue belt in karate next Wednesday night. I am pretty excited. We have to do a new goal setting plan as part of the promotional process. The kids have to get their teachers and parents to sign their promotion packet but I just have to answer the questions and set the 5 goals. Man, it was hard to write out those goals . . . not because I couldn't think of any, but because most of the things I am working on or need to work on are personal and I knew that my instructor would be reading them. I felt really vulnerable writing them down on paper where he would be able to read them. Things about anger and anxiety, focus and concentration, adhd, spirituality. . . it took me about 2 hours to finally get them down on paper in the words that I wanted. When I gave him the paper, he opened it up, and I had to ask him to read it later when I wasn't around. I felt so lame. But anyways, the goals are good and I hope it all works out well.

Pain is temporary, pride is forever!?!?

Well, that's what they say to pump you up during those rough moments on the court or field, right? So anyways, I injured my ankle in karate last and it has been swollen up, literally as large as a grapefruit since then! I have a cankle. . . So I went to the instacare just to make sure that it wasn't broken since I have a history of foot surgeries. Yep, it's just sprained, but man does it hurt. I guess I can look back on this in a couple of years and it will all just be a small memory compared to the pride that I can feel as I don that coveted black belt.