Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Thursday, August 26, 2010

"Let It Be" The story behind the lyrics


"I was going through a really difficult time around the autumn of 1968. It was late in the Beatles' career and we had begun making a new album, a follow-up to the "White Album." As a group we were starting to have problems. I think I was sensing the Beatles were breaking up, so I was staying up late at night, drinking, doing drugs, clubbing, the way a lot of people were at the time. I was really living and playing hard.


The other guys were all living out in the country with their partners, but I was still a bachelor in London with my own house in St. John's Wood. And that was kind of at the back of my mind also, that maybe it was about time I found someone, because it was before I got together with Linda.


So, I was exhausted! Some nights I'd go to bed and my head would just flop on the pillow; and when I'd wake up I'd have difficulty pulling it off, thinking, "Good job I woke up just then or I might have suffocated." Then one night, somewhere between deep sleep and insomnia, I had the most comforting dream about my mother, who died when I was only 14. She had been a nurse, my mum, and very hardworking, because she wanted the best for us. We weren't a well-off family- we didn't have a car, we just about had a television – so both of my parents went out to work, and Mum contributed a good half to the family income. At night when she came home, she would cook, so we didn't have a lot of time with each other. But she was just a very comforting presence in my life. And when she died, one of the difficulties I had, as the years went by, was that I couldn't recall her face so easily. That's how it is for everyone, I think. As each day goes by, you just can't bring their face into your mind, you have to use photographs and reminders like that.

So in this dream twelve years later, my mother appeared, and there was her face, completely clear, particularly her eyes, and she said to me very gently, very reassuringly: "Let it be." It was lovely. I woke up with a great feeling. It was really like she had visited me at this very difficult point in my life and gave me this message: Be gentle, don't fight things, just try and go with the flow and it will all work out.


So, being a musician, I went right over to the piano and started writing a song: "When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me"... Mary was my mother's name... "Speaking words of wisdom, let it be." There will be an answer, let it be." It didn't take long. I wrote the main body of it in one go, and then the subsequent verses developed from there: "When all the broken-hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be." I thought it was special, so I played it to the guys and 'round alot of people, and later it also became the title of the album, because it had so much value to me, and because it just seemed definitive, those three little syllables. Plus, when something happens like that, as if by magic, I think it has a resonance that other people notice too.


Not very long after the dream, I got together with Linda, which was the saving of me. And it was as if my mum had sent her, you could say. The song is also one of the first things Linda and I ever did together musically. We went over to Abbey Road Studios one day, where the recording sessions were in place. I lived nearby and often used to just drop in when I knew an engineer would be there and do little bits on my own. And I just thought, "Oh it would be good to try harmony in mind, and although Linda wasn't a professional singer, I'd heard her sing around the house, and knew she could hold a note and sing that high. So she tried it, and it worked and it stayed on the record. You can hear it to this day.


These days, the song has become almost like a hymn. We sang it at Linda's memorial service. And after September 11 the radio played it alot, which made it the obvious choice for me to sing when I did the benefit concert in New York City. Even before September 11th, people used to lean out of cars and trucks and say, "Yo, Paul, let it be."


So those words are really very special to me, because not only did my mum come to me in a dream and reassure me with them at a very difficult time in my life – and sure enough, things did get better after that – but also, in putting them into a song, and recording it with the Beatles, it became a comforting, healing statement for other people too."
- Paul McCartney

Life's Challenges

Disclaimer: This is a bittersweet post. Mostly bitter, but slightly sweet. . . maybe.

I'm back! I know I need to get back into this blogging thing, but I always think that my life is so boring, what with having no children or husband to add excitement to my daily journey. I don't have a whole lot going on myself, just work and that's pretty much it. After I got my own place in April, things started to take a plunge inmylife. Pain that I thought was long ago buried somehow found a way of creeping up and haunting me. I found things that I wanted to change and wounds I wanted to heal. This has been a very difficult journey, to say the least. I have lost friends, or so it seems. Something inside of me is still hoping that maybe things will get better eventually and friendships will rekindle, but I am not sure. I have cried nearly every day since May. Sometimes, all day long. I wonder if the Lord really hears and answers my prayers because, although things have become at least bearable, I don't think they are really better. At least I can make it through each day and say, "I'm alive," which at least, on some level is a huge accomplishment.
However, now that school has started, things are somewhat back to normal. I am not doing karate any more. Although, I hope that within the year, I can get back into it. With everything that has been going on, I am not in a place emotionally to be able to do it and have fun. I was starting to get burned out anyway as I got closer to my black belt. Since quitting, I have found other reasons, too, that I needed to take a break from it. I need to take care of some debts . . . my school loans are barely coming out of deferment/forbearance, so I need to start paying those off and I need to start working on my Master's (which will put the loans back into deferment if I want to). But I am hoping to get back to the karate in the spring or summer if everything works out and I find that things have gotten better.
Right now, though, it seems as though all I do is work and then go home and spend time reading or on Facebook, which I hate, but I feel like I have nothing better to do (when I know I really could be doing better things). But I guess I am not doing so bad after all since I am surviving and starting to feel a little hopeful about things in the future. Let's just see how I feel tomorrow.

Oh, and P.S. another good thing is that I am will be an auntie again. This time a little niece. Lauren Michelle Watts is due mid January. January 18th, to be exact, and that is my sister Kelly's birthday. She is a proud auntie and hoping that Lauren makes her debut on schedule.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

If she were here to listen today

Dear G-
I have been thinking about you. Man, you are so missed. Nearly a year and half has passed since you've gone and it is still so hard for me to believe that you are not here. I miss you so much still and can't think about you without nearly crying. No loss has ever hit me in the same way, it is still so unreal as if I will wake up any moment and realize it was all just a bad, bad dream. I did have a dream about you the other night. It is still so clear. You know those dreams that seem so real that you don't realize you're really asleep? When I woke up I was sad to realize it was only a dream and I cried because I wanted it to be real more than you could imagine. You came and told me that you loved me and gave me a big hug. I could actually feel your arms around me! Maybe you knew I needed that and that things are a bit stressful right now and some of the fears I am facing. In life, you were always willing to listen and I could tell you sincerely cared. I know you would still do the same if you were here today. I want to let you know that I appreciate you and love you.

I want to share the words to one of my favorite songs. (I have changed a couple of the words to better suit our relationship as friends).
Love you forever,
Anne

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my
Forever friend
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever friend
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Feeling better on so many levels

Today I started to feel better. I think I may have sneezed a total of three times although I am still coughing and my back still hurts. I was able to go see Erin in the hospital and I asked for a face mask, but I am the world's worst claustrophobe and it didn't work so well. I hate to have my nose covered with anything; a blanket, a sleeping bag, a face mask... so I really didn't use it correctly, but I tried. She is doing a lot better and the doctor told her that she could maybe even go home tomorrow. He also said he had never seen such a seperation heal so quickly. We all know why though, don't we? Thanks for the prayers and remembering our whole family. She has felt the strength of all your prayers and blessings.
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Jude Watts is already training for the OIympics

I have not been able to go visit Erin in the hospital because I have been so sick, but I have heard some fun stories about the ultrasounds that she has had over the past few days. Jude is still so small and has been very active so he has been quite elusive and difficult to catch and get a heartbeat. Yesterday my mom got to see him swimming around and she said it was quite cute. He was on his belly kicking his feet quite violently and moving his hands all around his head. I thought "he is getting ready for the breast stroke, duh." Today when I called, Kelly and Mom were there and Kelly was laughing. She said that they had the microphone hooked up to listen to the heart beat and Jude was right under it breathing really hard. Hooooooh Hooooooh Hoooooh like someone on the phone, (or I thought like Darth Vader, but instead of "Luke, I am your father" he was saying, "Will, I am your son."). It also seemed like he was teasing us all trying everything he could to keep us from hearing him.
The good news is that the doctor has said that things are looking really good and that it might not have been a real placental abruption after all. He is not sure and there is definitely a separation, but he is hopeful that it could heal itself in a few more days and she could go home and not be on such strict bed rest. This is all really good news because this means that Jude can stay right where he is and continue to grow and also Erin's health will not be in such great danger either. I am hoping that I can start to feel better in the next day or so because I want to make it over there and see him while they do some monitoring, but I don't know if I will. Everyone is telling me I NEED to go to the doctor because I have been sick for way too long but I am resisting. I don't like to go unless I absolutely have to. We shall see. I am pumping myself full of OJ, Sudafed, and Ibuprofen because my back hurts so bad, especially when I cough and sneeze. I am hoping that I can get some much needed rest this week during Spring Break and be back to fully restored health by next week.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Why do I do that?

I don't know why we go over the old hurts
Again and again in our minds, the false starts
And true beginnings
of a world we call the past,
As if it could tell us who we are now,
Or were, or might have been . . .
It's drizzling.
A car door slams, just once, and he's gone.
Tiny pools of water glisten on the street.
"My Father's Back,"
Edward Hirsch (as quoted in Your Father Your Self by Barry H. Gordon, Ph.D)
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