A Thankful Heart

"In life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy."

-Brother David Steindl-Rast @ www.gratefulness.org

'Tis the season to measure that which I am grateful for. This is a wonderful blessing that I have (and you too!)... to count each blessing inmylife; which is usually "small and simple" (Alma 37:6), but occasionally very great, and soon I start to see just how much I have been blessed with every day.If we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude in our hearts, we will have the power to overcome all of life's challenges and those debilitating feelings of inadequacy that come from the adversary in an effort to keep us from reaching for that power that we have within us to do something amazing and become someone beautifully divine. Each day during the month of November, I am going to add to this list something that I am thankful for, no matter how small or insignificant it may be. In order to discover the power of gratitude to unleash unlimited abundance and happiness in YOUR life, click here.

November 1: I am thankful for my warm, comfy bed.

November 2: I am thankful for the opportunity I have to vote.

November 3: I am thankful for my students who know how to make me smile.

November 4: I am thankful for my family.

November 5: I am thankful for soldiers, firefighters, police officers, and all others who protect and fight for our life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

November 6: I am so thankful to have been raised knowing that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that God loves me enough to provide a way to overcome sin, weakness, and all types of pain. What greater love is there than that?

I am thankful for my beautiful nephew and his sweet spirit. He truly loves unconditionally!

November 7: I am thankful for good music and the power it has to lift your spirits and bring you closer to God.

November 8: I am thankful for rain.


November 9: I am thankful for prayer, especially at 2:00 in the morning when everything seems so hopeless.


November 10: I am thankful for warm clothes and the heat in my car on a frosty morning. I am also thankful for the heat in my home on a cold afternoon and evening.



November 11: I am thankful for my grandfather, William Allen Myers, Jr and his service to America in the US Coast Guard. I miss you, Bucky! Thank you for being my hero and my guardian angel. I am also thankful for another grandfather, Garn, and his service to America (Air Force) as well!

November 12 I am thankful for the weekend and to have report cards all finished and ready for conferences next week.

November 13 I am grateful for friends. Today I am remembering a really good friend and missing her lots on her birthday. I also was able to spend some time with some good friends from Page that I haven't seen in 2-3 years. Yay for friends.

November 14 I am grateful for Sundays and the spiritual nourishment and refreshment that I get.

November 15 I am grateful for small breaks in between parent teacher conferences. Enough to take a swig from the Dr. Pepper and run to the bathroom.

November 16 I am grateful for my job. Even though the little "turkeys" are loud, sometimes naughty, don't listen too well, and sometimes are energy draining, it sure is rewarding to get a hug from so many of them as I walk across the playground. You would think I was Hannah Montana or something, the way they run up to me yelling my ...name with their arms stretched out for a hug. :D

November 17 I am thankful to have so much to be thankful for.

November 18 I am thankful to be done with parent teacher conferences, and that only 2 people stood us up.

November 19 I am grateful for nice strangers, Santa's Little Helpers! Today I was at Maverick getting at soda and the stranger, an older gentleman sneezed so naturally, I said, "bless you!" Well when I went to buy my drink, I found he had paid for it. That is the 2nd time in recent months that a stranger has paid for my stuff.

November 20 I am thankful that I was able to learn how to read. I am thankful for books, and for all the enjoyment and learning that I get from them.

November 21 I am grateful to have a place of my own. No one cares if it is messy, except me. I can sleep in since no one is making noise. I can do my laundry when I want and not have to worry whether the washer or dryer is available. Its all mine....but I do wish I had someone to help me clean it.

November 22 I am thankful for my weaknesses and the humility they have helped me to develop. I am thankful for my ADHD and the things that I have learned about how to learn. Even though I didn't really struggle in school (aside from math), there is so much in other areas of my life that I struggle to learn and it has helped me understand how to be patient with myself and others, and how it feels when you think everyone thinks you're stupid or slow.

Life's BIG and and not so big adversities

I don't know if this post is really going to have a main idea or whatever, but I just thought I would get on and get some things out of my head. I don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore since I have become less than active about writing. Things have been getting better in some ways but then again I start to think maybe not. I still feel really lonely a lot living by myself on the opposite side of town as my family. But I have started to realize a lot of things about myself that I never would have realized had it not been for the many firey experiences of the last six months.
In the past month, there have been two long time family friends that have passed away from back home. One unexpected and one after a brave battle with cancer. Both were young still, at least in my book. I know that we do not know when our life here will end and this has made me more aware of my mortality. This morning on the radio, I heard a country song that I think I have heard before, but never really listened to. I don't particularly like the song, but the words hit me suddenly considering the friends I have lost in the past few years, especially Ginger.


If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song


Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a gone
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song


The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

Switching subjects...I was really sick yesterday. I mean REALLY sick. Maybe I am overreacting because I am not used to being sick because I can not remember the last time I had the flu. I think it was probably 5 or 6 years ago when I got sick with the flu on Thanksgiving Day. That's right, of all the days of the year to get the flu and not be able to eat, I got it on Thanksgiving Day. But even then I was not as sick as yesterday, I don't think. My BIL and nephew have had the flu last week and earlier this week and I hadn't seen Jude for a while so I spent some time with him on Wed. night and he ended up being sick. So Thursday night I went to bed quite early, not really feeling ill, just tired and a slight headache. At 11:00 I woke up feeling like I needed to puke and, sure enough, I did. I spent the rest of the night up about every 1.5- 2 hours throwing up. By 7:00 I had been sick 5 times which, like I said, I can not remember ever being that sick. I called in for a sub, which was the 3rd day this week because of the funeral in California on Tuesday, and literally dragged myself to the school after puking for the 5th time to write some sort of sub plan for the day. Luckily, Fridays are easy. I slept for most of the day, but felt nauseous all day long and had nothing at my house to ease the aches, pains, or nausea of the flu and couldn't get a hold of anyone to bring anything to me. I really thought I might end up in the ER dehydrated (and who knows what else?) if I didn't stop throwing up. At about 3:00 I decided to take a hot bath to relax a little and that lasted til 4:30 and then another nap. I was hoping my mom could bring me some Zofran (anti nausea?) that my sister had from when Jude was sick, but with Erin being sick herself, she was not answering the phone and I ended up falling asleep again. At about 7:00 I woke up again and told mom not to worry about it and I dragged myself into the car and up to the Albertson's that is a mile away. I hadn't thrown up in 12 hours so I thought I would be ok. I needed to find something that I might be able to eat and something to help with the nausea. When I got there I realized I didn't have my debit card or my DL so I had to write a check and hope that they didn't ask for my DL which happens a lot at Albertson's. Halfway through my shopping I started to feel really sick again and thought I was going to lose it. I was praying the whole time that I wouldn't and that they wouldn't ask me for my DL because I needed this food and medicine and had no idea where they were (they ended up being in my desk at school). I felt like Ramona in the book "Ramona Quimby, Age 8," which I just finished reading to my class last week. "Please God, don't let me throw up in this taxi cab. Please God, don't let me throw up in this taxi cab." Well, needless to say, I made it home and thanks to some Sprite, Emetrol, Tylenol PM, bananas, and a few saltines I made it through the night without throwing up again and without going to the ER. I went to bed and prayed that I would make it through the night without having to throw up, but kept my pot there just in case. :) Well, thankfully, I slept great and woke up this morning having survived. I feel much better today, but I sure hope I don't have to suffer through that again for many, many years...or ever- I hope.

Not New Year's Resolutions

I don't believe in setting New Year's Resolutions because I think resolutions and goals should be something that are a continual focus, rather than simply in January (and forgotten by February). I do, however, believe in setting and achieving goals all throughout the year, big and small. I have several goals that I am working on right now, and two that are really big! I mean, really big, but I know that they are achievable! You know me though, DREAM BIG or don't dream at all!
1. PARTICIPATE IN THE UTAH SUMMER GAMES in Cedar City. I have been considering this since a few students in my karate school were talking about it last year, although only one of them actually did. I would really like to do this to gain some valuable experience.
2. EARN MY BLACK BELT. Since I was a kid, I have dreamed of doing karate and now I have done it. I am so proud of myself for finally doing it. Now after several years, I can actually see, smell, and taste the black belt (well, not really, but you know what I mean). This was never part of the dream and I am so excited that I have made it this far!

Wellness Challenge

Every year the school district participates in a wellness challenge sponsored by the health insurance company. I participated last year and enjoyed it. This year I am doing it again. I think I will push myself harder this year to set more goals rather than just try to win by racking up the most minutes. I feel so bad lately because I had lost about 70 pounds a few years ago and then, since last Christmas, I have gained about 25-30 of those pounds back. I would like to get back down to where I was by the end of the competition in March. Then I would still like to lose about 30 more to get to my ultimate goal, but right now, just getting back down to that point would be great!

Ban Bu

As many of you know, karate has become an important part of my life. I have been training since January 2008. Right now I am a brown belt, one of four girls who are the highest rank at my school. It's kind of exciting but stressful. We have been training for our Ban Bu test. Ban Bu is a brown belt with a black stripe in the center. It is the first of the high level belts and the testing process becomes quite a bit harder. We are required to do a physical test which includes running 2 miles in 20 minutes and then completing the rest in another 10 minutes (100 sit ups, 50 pushups: 10 each of uppercut, vertical knuckle, horizontal knuckle, fingertip, and triangle, and 5 pull ups or holding above the bar for 30 seconds). Then, we have to complete the curriculum testing that takes several more hours and includes all kata (forms), self defense, and sparring. There is also a written test and a written thesis that we complete. This is the same test that you have to pass for all belts above Ban Bu (Han Ban Bu, Chan Ban Bu, Black, Black Belt higher degrees), but some of the requirements on the written tests change and more curriculum is learned and tested, of course.
I am having a horrible time with the physical part of the test. At this point, I have not been able to run the 2 miles in 20 minutes or do the pull ups so on the practice tests, I have only gotten 15/40 points on that portion of the test. This is very stressful for me and I am trying to remain positive and know that I can complete it just like everyone else who has done it.
The "real" test is coming up a week from Saturday. I will have a horrible birthday if I don't pass it, so everyone, just pray for me, please!

Shame, shame, shame!

I just want to say that anyone who can watch a nine month pregnant woman slip on the wet floors in Wal Mart and just walk away deserves a whole lot of shame heaped on their shoulders! I hope that they really feel bad.
So if you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, Erin slipped in Wal Mart yesterday after it had been raining. And can I just say that those are some slippery floors indeed. I once slipped on them going in and going out on the same day because I was wearing Crocs. The way out I was really trying to keep my balance and it was just impossible. I told her that yesterday and she said she had been wearing Crocs. She slipped and did the splits, landing on her knees. The door greeter simply said, "Whoaaa!" and left to get a mop. No questions about if she was okay and no offer to help her up. Then several guests just walked by and looked without offering to help her up. What has our world come to? Seriously when people can just turn the other way and ignore such an accident. So she went to the hospital and was monitored for several hours because she was in such horrible pain. As far as I know, everything is okay with Jude.
Please promise me, readers of this blog, that if you ever see ANYONE slip and fall that you will offer them your hand... especially a pregnant lady!

Calm down people

So today we found out that we are facing the possibility of having to close down all the schools in the school district should any cases of swine flu be confirmed in Washington County. When that happens, we will be required to conduct lessons via the internet or phone and through packets of work that is sent home to kids who do not have internet access . . . for the rest of the school year. Although this may sound fun to some (yeah, no school), I am, always the pessimist- completely not thrilled. This is because we have been informed that each grade level needs to put together a "packet" of work that is sufficient for three weeks worth of lessons. . . and we need to do it tomorrow. Seriously? Seriously!
My own view on this "pandemic" situation is that if people panic, it will just cause more problems. So considering the circumstances, let's just calm down people.

Inspired

I have been thinking about one of my life long friends, Ginger, who passed away almost a year ago. A few weeks ago, her family and friends all joined together in her memory and ran in the "Great Race," a race that she had done just two months before she passed away. As she was getting ready to participate, she had written on her blog "tomorrow's the big day! at 7:30am I'm running in the Agoura Great Race 5k, my very first race ever! I'm so NOT a runner and I've only been "training" ... for about 3 weeks. yikes! what am I thinking?? I'm thinking that it will be fun and great exercise, right? ... Jason is also running the 5k, but I told him I don't want to run "with" him. I don't want to run beside anyone I know. I don't want to feel like I'm holding anyone back or (and I doubt this will be a problem) I don't want to BE held back by anyone. I want to feel free run at my own pace, that's all. I'm sure it would be special to cross the finish line as a couple and all, but oh well! I wanted to have a goal for the 5k, so here's mine: I want to finish in 30 minutes or less. I'm not even sure that's realistic, but that's an average of 10 minutes per mile. surely I can do that, right? thinking positive thoughts...... wish me luck and I'll post my time tomorrow."
And then .... "29:59:55 yes!! under 30 minutes! I knew I could do it! :) "

After she passed away, one of her brothers had made a touching comment on her blog that shows an amazing amount of faith and is full of hope and determination. He wrote,
"Ginge, you ran a great race and you finished at 30 (at least this leg of the race). You didn't let anyone hold you back, but you definitely helped countless others along your way. You broke the tape first in our family and we look forward to seeing you when we cross the line and giving you a huge Ginger-style victory hug on the other side of the finish line. Until then, we know you will be watching us, cheering us on."

I want to be able to leave that kind of imprint on the hearts of those around me. I want to inspire them to be better, to reach higher, to push a little longer. But first . . . I have to become that person. I am on my way. That's MY goal!

Not for those with a weak stomach...

Diary of an "abscess"

Monday: It is discovered in it's hiding place just at the belt line. 2 inch diameter. Bleeds and bleeds and bleeds some more. I go to the Instacare and am told that nothing can be done until it forms a head. A dotted circle is drawn around the red, inflamed area to see if it gets bigger. No definitive diagnosis is determined. Antibiotics are prescribed. 1st and 2nd dose are taken. Pain, pain, pain, and more PAIN. Unable to sleep. Awake at 0230 hours in pain and apply heat.

Tuesday: 3rd and 4th doses of powerful antibiotics are taken. More pain. Mystery red spot is now 3 inches in diameter and very, very hot! A bit more sleep, but not much. Very grumpy.

Wednesday: 5th and 6th doses of "extremely powerful" antibiotics are taken. Still more, unrelenting pain. Still about 3 inches in diameter and on fire. Still virtually no sleep.

Thursday: 7th dose does not sit well and I lose my breakfast. Don't eat all day except some goldfish crackers. Redness is above all redness and hotter than St. George in the middle of August. Pain beyond anything I have experienced in a long, long time. Now 5 inches by 3 inches in size. Go to ER at 11:30 pm. Pain level 8. Mystery spot is now diagnosed as an abscess, or boil. It is lanced with great pain and packed with gauze. Pain relievers (Lortab) are prescribed and filled at Walgreens at 12:45 am. Finally go to bed at 1:15 am.

Friday: Wake up at 6:30 am and go to work. Pain level 4. Return to ER to have wound rinsed, repacked, rebandaged.

Saturday: What? Because of the Lortab, I suppose, I arise for the day at 12:40 pm.
Another evening visit to the ER is in store and I can't wait!

Feeling better on so many levels

Today I started to feel better. I think I may have sneezed a total of three times although I am still coughing and my back still hurts. I was able to go see Erin in the hospital and I asked for a face mask, but I am the world's worst claustrophobe and it didn't work so well. I hate to have my nose covered with anything; a blanket, a sleeping bag, a face mask... so I really didn't use it correctly, but I tried. She is doing a lot better and the doctor told her that she could maybe even go home tomorrow. He also said he had never seen such a seperation heal so quickly. We all know why though, don't we? Thanks for the prayers and remembering our whole family. She has felt the strength of all your prayers and blessings.
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jude Watts is already training for the OIympics

I have not been able to go visit Erin in the hospital because I have been so sick, but I have heard some fun stories about the ultrasounds that she has had over the past few days. Jude is still so small and has been very active so he has been quite elusive and difficult to catch and get a heartbeat. Yesterday my mom got to see him swimming around and she said it was quite cute. He was on his belly kicking his feet quite violently and moving his hands all around his head. I thought "he is getting ready for the breast stroke, duh." Today when I called, Kelly and Mom were there and Kelly was laughing. She said that they had the microphone hooked up to listen to the heart beat and Jude was right under it breathing really hard. Hooooooh Hooooooh Hoooooh like someone on the phone, (or I thought like Darth Vader, but instead of "Luke, I am your father" he was saying, "Will, I am your son."). It also seemed like he was teasing us all trying everything he could to keep us from hearing him.
The good news is that the doctor has said that things are looking really good and that it might not have been a real placental abruption after all. He is not sure and there is definitely a separation, but he is hopeful that it could heal itself in a few more days and she could go home and not be on such strict bed rest. This is all really good news because this means that Jude can stay right where he is and continue to grow and also Erin's health will not be in such great danger either. I am hoping that I can start to feel better in the next day or so because I want to make it over there and see him while they do some monitoring, but I don't know if I will. Everyone is telling me I NEED to go to the doctor because I have been sick for way too long but I am resisting. I don't like to go unless I absolutely have to. We shall see. I am pumping myself full of OJ, Sudafed, and Ibuprofen because my back hurts so bad, especially when I cough and sneeze. I am hoping that I can get some much needed rest this week during Spring Break and be back to fully restored health by next week.

Update on Erin and Baby Jude

Today at lunch, I decided to try and call my mom at work and see if she had heard anything new about Erin and what is going on. The other lady in her office told me that she had gone to the hospital to try and locate Erin because she had gone back in today. So I tried to call Will and got a hold of him and found out that things have been worse. I have now learned that the problem is a placental abruption, in which the placenta detaches from the uterus. This causes problems in the baby getting oxygen and other nutrients he needs. So they were getting ready to do an emergency c section because Erin's blood pressure was dropping way low and Jude was in distress, his heart rate and blood pressure were dropping a lot too. Luckily though, the drs. were able to get things under control and have stabilized mommy and son for the time. We are hoping that things stay under control and she can keep Jude happy in his temporary environment long enough. She is in the hospital for at least the next several weeks, maybe the rest of the pregnancy if things don't improve enough to send her home. Please remember her in your prayers and pray that Baby Jude stays healthy and happy in his little water world.

What a day!

The good, the bad, and the ugly...
1. I am STILL sick! What's it been, like 2 months now? Now it's down in my chest and I can't stop coughing.

2. School stories.
"Dude" So, the boys can't stop calling everyone "dude" all the time. "Dude, what page are we on?" "Dude, can I use your red crayon?" "Dude, you wanna play soccer with me at lunch?" Even to the the girls. "Dude, will you let me see the book?" "Dude, do we have to do the problems on the back?" So I have been getting so tired of it and today I heard someone say it about three times in 10 seconds so I said, "He has a name and it's not 'DUDE'." He looked at me like "Huh?" and I repeated myself, "He has a name and it's NOT DUDE." He kind of chuckled then went back to what he was doing. A few minutes later I heard it again, but then a little girl said, "He has a name and it's not 'Dude." Then someone else said, "Yeah, teacher said "He has a name and it's not Dude." I laughed inside thinking, "Uh huh, THAT'S RIGHT. Glad someone listens around here!"

Candy bar thieves: I have a small, plastic, purple basket in which a wonderful assortment of candy bars are stored for birthdays (and my afternoon chocolate rescue, but shhhhh, we'll just say they're for birthdays). Today I had pulled it down and left it on my printer so that I would remember to let someone get their birthday bar. Well, as we were getting ready to go home, I was busy helping a couple of kids fix their math and also handing out homework folders. I was sittig at the table right next to the printer (just a few feet away literally) and a boy (a very naughty boy, always in trouble) decided to snitch 3 or 4 of them and pass them around to friends. After several minutes a little girl says, "Ummm (so and so) is stealing your candy bars. I looked over at the basket and could tell that they had been taken because it was completely full before. So I called him over and he proceeded to say that (boy b and boy c) had the bars and they said (boy a) took them and gave them to us. (Like we're completely innocent). So I asked, "did you know he took them from me?" Yes, they said they did, and I explained to them that means they are just as guilty. So they brought all the bars back, or so I thought. After school we were still trying to figure out the consequences and Boy A (the main suspect) proceeds to accuse girl A of eating a candy bar- a Kit Kat. Well this is wonderful girl who never finds trouble and she had already high tailed it out of there. However, she was "apprehended" and returned to the scene of the crime. She continued to deny to me that she had anything to do with it so I told her to go tell Boy A to his face that he was lying. At first she had no problem doing so and he continued to accuse her of it. I said, "Well someone is lying straight to the other's face. Can you continue to look straight in their eyes and tell them the lie?" Then he said, "Come on (girl A)!" So then she admitted that she had eaten "just a tiny bite" when she knew he stole it. So then I ask, "So who ate the rest?" He said, "I don't know!" I looked straight at him and said, "Did you?" He shamefully hung his head and said, "Yes..." Then they both started to cry pitifully. Boy B and C just watched and didn't seem affected at all. Kinda sad but funny at the same time.


3. When I came home, I found out that Erin is on bed rest for something that is wrong with her and the baby. I don't have very much information right now, but the dr. wants to make sure that it doesn't get worse so that Jude has a better chance to survive. If he can wait just 6 weeks survival will go up about 60%. So we are praying for their family.

Oi ve! What a day!

Black Belt/Leadership Essay (Kwon Shu/Kenpo)

So, I had to write a short essay for karate as an assignment for acceptance into the leadership team. This is what I came up with:

"Over the past 14 months, karate has become a very important part of my life. As a child, I had a great desire to get involved in karate, yet I don’t really know where this dream came from. None of my friends or anyone in my family was interested or involved in martial arts at all. It just started to grow in me one day until it became all consuming. Maybe it was from the first time that I saw the movie, The Karate Kid. Something about that movie just spoke to me, but the possibility of ever achieving that dream was almost instantly pushed aside when I realized the futility of asking for something like that. I remember asking to participate in soccer, and laying in bed thinking about what I would say and how I could present it to my mother, and when I did I knew I would have to have a way to come up with the money. That was no where near as expensive as karate would be all year, and so I never asked. I knew she would respond with frustrated words similar to, “You know we don’t have the money for that. Why don’t you call your dad and ask him if he can pay for something like that!” I knew full well that would never happen, especially since I had already asked him to help me buy my $15 PE uniform, which he refused, and so, that was it, the hope of ever fulfilling that dream was gone. I dropped it completely, knowing it was hopeless to continue to even think about it at all. But dreams never do really die. They always seem to find a way to pop back up from time to time, always tormenting you until you take the time to pursue them, which is what I finally decided to do. I was talking to my mom on the phone one evening and told her how much I wanted to do this and reminded her of how I had wanted to do this since I was about 8 or 9 years old. She had completely forgotten it and was surprised. I started to cry terribly and told her I felt like I would never be able to do this and that I was so frustrated that I let myself just sweep so many hopes and dreams aside or ignore them all these years just because I was so worried about everyone else. I didn’t know why it was so important to me, but the emotions became so strong, and the years of frustration finally just started to pour out.
I am grateful beyond measure that I finally listened to my heart and took the initiative to do this! I have learned so many things through karate, not just about self defense, but about myself; who I am, what I hope to achieve and be, and what I can be. From the time when this dream was born at 8 years old until I finally acted upon it last year, I never really thought, “I want to be a black belt.” I don’t know why I wanted to do karate or what I hoped to get out of it, I just wanted it and I knew I needed it. Something about it just called to me even though I didn’t know what it had to offer. But, since I started, I have learned to set higher goals and to believe that they really can be achieved. I have always been a determined person and once I start something, I usually see it through to the end. Yet, since starting karate, I have become even more focused on what I can become. Earning a black belt isn’t about status or rank and it isn’t the end of the road either. As I see it, earning my black belt is just the beginning. Maybe I will continue on and earn higher degrees, but even if I don’t, it is about the fact that I listened to myself and responded. This tells me that I can continue to listen and respond for the rest of my life, no matter what the situation might be.
For me, it isn’t about why I would be a great black belt. Instead, it is about why a black belt would be great for me. Until last year, I would never have seen myself where I am today and where a black belt can take me. Knowledge, wisdom, strength, confidence, faith, determination, physical health, and spiritual and emotional awareness are just a few of the things that I have seen grow and I know will continue to grow on the road to earning my black belt. These are things that I could develop through very few other pursuits. I don’t know that I have anything more to offer than anyone else, which would make me a better candidate for a black belt, but I know that what it has to offer me is something I can not deny or refuse."

 

I NEED A RELEASE!

I don't know why I do this... I let everything build up for months and months and then feel ready to explode. Right now I am ready to go off like a firecracker!
I need to kick
I need to scream
I need to swear
I need to slam doors
I need to punch
I need to cry
I need to throw things
and I can't even explain why!

stress buster

This is what I have spent my Saturday doing. I have a bazillion other things that need to be done, but I don't want to do them because I need to decompress... I wish I could explain it all in a blog, but I can't. Anyways, I started last night and worked for a few hours and then worked all day today. I think it was probably 10 hours or so. I really like it , even though there are some things about it that still bother me. But if I don't tell myself it is finished, I will never stop. That's me, that's how I roll. I haven't eaten or gotten out of my pajamas. I think I will go get some food now... but I probably won't get dressed.

I need some chapstick

Napoleon Dynamite: Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Secretary No. 1: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon Dynamite: I don't feel very good.
[takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [making nachos on the other side of the line] Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon Dynamite: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
[Kip hangs up]
Napoleon Dynamite: Uh! Idiot!


Uhhhh . . . I pretty much feel like Napoleon right now . . . cause my lips are really hurting bad.

Definition of a hero

I made it to Lehi safe and sound this evening at about 7:30. When I got here, I called to see if it would be a good time to come and visit Juan. I talked with him for a minute over the phone to let him know that we were coming. They are staying in Ronald McDonald housing and it was a neat set up. They have a small apartment for long term use. It was so great. He was so excited to see me and he looked great. His papa had shaved his head for his radiation treatments. He has lost a bit of weight and I could really tell it in his face which used to be really round, but he still looked good. He looked strong and not tired. He took the cards that I brought and devoured each one. He read them carefully and it was so cute. He had a pile and after reading each one, he would meticulously place it at the bottom of the pile and then pick up the pile and straighten it up, then he would read the next one. We read some of them together. I helped him with some of his homework that he was a little confused on. Mom, Kelly, and I talked with his mom and him and it was so nice. His mom said that the type of cancer is called medulloblastoma. She said that the MRI's he has had look good and the dr. said there is no evidence of any remaining cancer cells. He will be finished with his radiation treatments next week and they will be coming home. They hope to be able to do the rest of his chemo treatments in town, but return to Salt Lake off and on.
What a brave soldier! I know that he has faced some great fears. His mom shared some times when his fear was evident. I told him that I thought he was so brave and asked him if he was going to get better. He said he was and I told him that was the most important thing- for him to believe it. What a hero! He is fighting hard.
His mom is amazing. She shared with us that she had a hard time having children and had two other failed pregnancies. She said "God gave him to me and I feel like He is giving him back to me now."
She also talked about how he doesn't want to eat and has had a hard time holding down food. She said, "I make him tortillas and he won't eat them because he said they taste different. He can't taste them." I guess the radiation has affected his sense of taste. I kind of laughed inside and we talked about it afterward in the car . . . little Mexican boy who won't eat the tortillas. Kidding aside, I felt really bad for him. I really could tell that he had lost a lot of weight for a boy his age.
I noticed a guitar in a box under the coffee table and I said, "Juanito, did you get a guitar?" He kind of got red and said, "yeah." I said, "Can you play us a song?" And he said, "No, I don't play very good yet." I told him that I really wanted to learn to play the guitar.
As we were leaving I asked if I could get a picture with him and he said sure. Kelly took a picture and said, "Say queso!" We laughed and then I wanted a second one (I always need 2 "just in case"). So I said, "Okay, Juanito, let's say "Sponge Bob!" He thought that was pretty funny and I think I got a better smile that time.
As I left, I told him that I was up for a karate tournament and that I was scared. He laughed and I told him I would send him some pictures and let him know if I win any medals... He thought that was great.
What an awesome kid! My mom and sister loved him and his mamacita.
Keep up that fighting spirit Juan!







"Sponge Bob!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Did anybody see which way Mr. Wednesday went?

So today, I woke up thinking that it was Wednesday and I didn't realize until halfway through the morning that it was actually Thursday. During the morning announcements, the principal reminded the teachers that faculty meeting is tomorrow morning and how he knew we were all so excited to be there bright and early. I thought, "Since when do we have faculty meeting on a Thursday morning?" I seriously was confused all morning and expected to hear that he had made a mistake, but then I was doing something and looked at the calendar to see the date and ta-da! the light came on and I was so excited! Tomorrow is Friday! I love Fridays so much! I was sincerely happy and excited to the max!

Also, I finally was able to speak with Juan's mama today. I tried to call PCMC yesterday and found out that he is not staying as an inpatient like I thought. So I thought he must be at the Ronald McDonald House or something. I got the number for the translator and left her a voice mail explaining that I was coming up over the weekend and wanted to see Juan if it worked out for him and his family. She talked to them, but I ended up talking to his mom before she got back to me. I was proud of myself because I was able to use my Spanish really well and converse with her largely in her language. She actually is better with English than I remember, and so it was easier than I expected it to be. It sounds like the outlook is better than I had heard. He is doing a strong regimen of radiation almost every day and started a chemo cycle that is quite heavy too, but they are planning on coming back home next week and he will get treatment down here for a while, then go back up to SLC in a few months. I feel so much better after speaking to her. She did say that he is having a hard time, missing school a lot and that she has had a hard time trying to explain to him that all this is "for his good to make him get better." I can't imagine trying to explain that to an 8 year old. "This is making you sick, but it will make you better." So, she said it would be fine for me to come visit and I hope he is doing well.

The tournament is Saturday morning and I am still freaking out! I hope my nerves can settle down pretty soon or else I might just do something totally embarrassing and freeze up.

P.S. Happy birthday, big brother! Michael is getting old!!!!!!!!!!

A very needed long weekend and evil irony

I have been so excited for this long weekend and then I got sick. Very sick. I had to get a sub on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad cold. My head literally felt like it would explode and I thought I might die. Okay, maybe not that bad. But then we had been planning on doing something fun for the weekend and since I was sick I decided to stay home. Mom and Kelly went to Vegas and had tons of fun. But next week, I am going up to Lehi for a karate tournament and I also plan to visit Juan at Primary Children's. I am excited for that trip. I am excited to see Juan, not in the hospital, of course, but I want to see him and give him a big hug. Anyways, I need to be feeling better by then.