I don't know if this post is really going to have a main idea or whatever, but I just thought I would get on and get some things out of my head. I don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore since I have become less than active about writing. Things have been getting better in some ways but then again I start to think maybe not. I still feel really lonely a lot living by myself on the opposite side of town as my family. But I have started to realize a lot of things about myself that I never would have realized had it not been for the many firey experiences of the last six months.
In the past month, there have been two long time family friends that have passed away from back home. One unexpected and one after a brave battle with cancer. Both were young still, at least in my book. I know that we do not know when our life here will end and this has made me more aware of my mortality. This morning on the radio, I heard a country song that I think I have heard before, but never really listened to. I don't particularly like the song, but the words hit me suddenly considering the friends I have lost in the past few years, especially Ginger.
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a gone
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
Switching subjects...I was really sick yesterday. I mean REALLY sick. Maybe I am overreacting because I am not used to being sick because I can not remember the last time I had the flu. I think it was probably 5 or 6 years ago when I got sick with the flu on Thanksgiving Day. That's right, of all the days of the year to get the flu and not be able to eat, I got it on Thanksgiving Day. But even then I was not as sick as yesterday, I don't think. My BIL and nephew have had the flu last week and earlier this week and I hadn't seen Jude for a while so I spent some time with him on Wed. night and he ended up being sick. So Thursday night I went to bed quite early, not really feeling ill, just tired and a slight headache. At 11:00 I woke up feeling like I needed to puke and, sure enough, I did. I spent the rest of the night up about every 1.5- 2 hours throwing up. By 7:00 I had been sick 5 times which, like I said, I can not remember ever being that sick. I called in for a sub, which was the 3rd day this week because of the funeral in California on Tuesday, and literally dragged myself to the school after puking for the 5th time to write some sort of sub plan for the day. Luckily, Fridays are easy. I slept for most of the day, but felt nauseous all day long and had nothing at my house to ease the aches, pains, or nausea of the flu and couldn't get a hold of anyone to bring anything to me. I really thought I might end up in the ER dehydrated (and who knows what else?) if I didn't stop throwing up. At about 3:00 I decided to take a hot bath to relax a little and that lasted til 4:30 and then another nap. I was hoping my mom could bring me some Zofran (anti nausea?) that my sister had from when Jude was sick, but with Erin being sick herself, she was not answering the phone and I ended up falling asleep again. At about 7:00 I woke up again and told mom not to worry about it and I dragged myself into the car and up to the Albertson's that is a mile away. I hadn't thrown up in 12 hours so I thought I would be ok. I needed to find something that I might be able to eat and something to help with the nausea. When I got there I realized I didn't have my debit card or my DL so I had to write a check and hope that they didn't ask for my DL which happens a lot at Albertson's. Halfway through my shopping I started to feel really sick again and thought I was going to lose it. I was praying the whole time that I wouldn't and that they wouldn't ask me for my DL because I needed this food and medicine and had no idea where they were (they ended up being in my desk at school). I felt like Ramona in the book "Ramona Quimby, Age 8," which I just finished reading to my class last week. "Please God, don't let me throw up in this taxi cab. Please God, don't let me throw up in this taxi cab." Well, needless to say, I made it home and thanks to some Sprite, Emetrol, Tylenol PM, bananas, and a few saltines I made it through the night without throwing up again and without going to the ER. I went to bed and prayed that I would make it through the night without having to throw up, but kept my pot there just in case. :) Well, thankfully, I slept great and woke up this morning having survived. I feel much better today, but I sure hope I don't have to suffer through that again for many, many years...or ever- I hope.
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