In everything that has been going on since April, I have come to realize that I was pretty dang smart when I was 6 years old and realized that "Life's not fair!" This has been something that I grew up knowing but not accepting. Why is life not fair?!?!
I realized it recently.
Life isn't fair and we should be happy that its not fair, because if it was fair, we would get what we deserved... and that would mostly be bad.
Christ suffered not only for our sins, but also all of our pains, so that life wouldn't have to be fair.
That's pretty amazing, if you think about it.
(but I still wish I could win the lottery and have a perfect family like they do...)<3
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, February 2, 2009
Black Belt/Leadership Essay (Kwon Shu/Kenpo)
So, I had to write a short essay for karate as an assignment for acceptance into the leadership team. This is what I came up with:
"Over the past 14 months, karate has become a very important part of my life. As a child, I had a great desire to get involved in karate, yet I don’t really know where this dream came from. None of my friends or anyone in my family was interested or involved in martial arts at all. It just started to grow in me one day until it became all consuming. Maybe it was from the first time that I saw the movie, The Karate Kid. Something about that movie just spoke to me, but the possibility of ever achieving that dream was almost instantly pushed aside when I realized the futility of asking for something like that. I remember asking to participate in soccer, and laying in bed thinking about what I would say and how I could present it to my mother, and when I did I knew I would have to have a way to come up with the money. That was no where near as expensive as karate would be all year, and so I never asked. I knew she would respond with frustrated words similar to, “You know we don’t have the money for that. Why don’t you call your dad and ask him if he can pay for something like that!” I knew full well that would never happen, especially since I had already asked him to help me buy my $15 PE uniform, which he refused, and so, that was it, the hope of ever fulfilling that dream was gone. I dropped it completely, knowing it was hopeless to continue to even think about it at all. But dreams never do really die. They always seem to find a way to pop back up from time to time, always tormenting you until you take the time to pursue them, which is what I finally decided to do. I was talking to my mom on the phone one evening and told her how much I wanted to do this and reminded her of how I had wanted to do this since I was about 8 or 9 years old. She had completely forgotten it and was surprised. I started to cry terribly and told her I felt like I would never be able to do this and that I was so frustrated that I let myself just sweep so many hopes and dreams aside or ignore them all these years just because I was so worried about everyone else. I didn’t know why it was so important to me, but the emotions became so strong, and the years of frustration finally just started to pour out.
I am grateful beyond measure that I finally listened to my heart and took the initiative to do this! I have learned so many things through karate, not just about self defense, but about myself; who I am, what I hope to achieve and be, and what I can be. From the time when this dream was born at 8 years old until I finally acted upon it last year, I never really thought, “I want to be a black belt.” I don’t know why I wanted to do karate or what I hoped to get out of it, I just wanted it and I knew I needed it. Something about it just called to me even though I didn’t know what it had to offer. But, since I started, I have learned to set higher goals and to believe that they really can be achieved. I have always been a determined person and once I start something, I usually see it through to the end. Yet, since starting karate, I have become even more focused on what I can become. Earning a black belt isn’t about status or rank and it isn’t the end of the road either. As I see it, earning my black belt is just the beginning. Maybe I will continue on and earn higher degrees, but even if I don’t, it is about the fact that I listened to myself and responded. This tells me that I can continue to listen and respond for the rest of my life, no matter what the situation might be.
For me, it isn’t about why I would be a great black belt. Instead, it is about why a black belt would be great for me. Until last year, I would never have seen myself where I am today and where a black belt can take me. Knowledge, wisdom, strength, confidence, faith, determination, physical health, and spiritual and emotional awareness are just a few of the things that I have seen grow and I know will continue to grow on the road to earning my black belt. These are things that I could develop through very few other pursuits. I don’t know that I have anything more to offer than anyone else, which would make me a better candidate for a black belt, but I know that what it has to offer me is something I can not deny or refuse."
"Over the past 14 months, karate has become a very important part of my life. As a child, I had a great desire to get involved in karate, yet I don’t really know where this dream came from. None of my friends or anyone in my family was interested or involved in martial arts at all. It just started to grow in me one day until it became all consuming. Maybe it was from the first time that I saw the movie, The Karate Kid. Something about that movie just spoke to me, but the possibility of ever achieving that dream was almost instantly pushed aside when I realized the futility of asking for something like that. I remember asking to participate in soccer, and laying in bed thinking about what I would say and how I could present it to my mother, and when I did I knew I would have to have a way to come up with the money. That was no where near as expensive as karate would be all year, and so I never asked. I knew she would respond with frustrated words similar to, “You know we don’t have the money for that. Why don’t you call your dad and ask him if he can pay for something like that!” I knew full well that would never happen, especially since I had already asked him to help me buy my $15 PE uniform, which he refused, and so, that was it, the hope of ever fulfilling that dream was gone. I dropped it completely, knowing it was hopeless to continue to even think about it at all. But dreams never do really die. They always seem to find a way to pop back up from time to time, always tormenting you until you take the time to pursue them, which is what I finally decided to do. I was talking to my mom on the phone one evening and told her how much I wanted to do this and reminded her of how I had wanted to do this since I was about 8 or 9 years old. She had completely forgotten it and was surprised. I started to cry terribly and told her I felt like I would never be able to do this and that I was so frustrated that I let myself just sweep so many hopes and dreams aside or ignore them all these years just because I was so worried about everyone else. I didn’t know why it was so important to me, but the emotions became so strong, and the years of frustration finally just started to pour out.
I am grateful beyond measure that I finally listened to my heart and took the initiative to do this! I have learned so many things through karate, not just about self defense, but about myself; who I am, what I hope to achieve and be, and what I can be. From the time when this dream was born at 8 years old until I finally acted upon it last year, I never really thought, “I want to be a black belt.” I don’t know why I wanted to do karate or what I hoped to get out of it, I just wanted it and I knew I needed it. Something about it just called to me even though I didn’t know what it had to offer. But, since I started, I have learned to set higher goals and to believe that they really can be achieved. I have always been a determined person and once I start something, I usually see it through to the end. Yet, since starting karate, I have become even more focused on what I can become. Earning a black belt isn’t about status or rank and it isn’t the end of the road either. As I see it, earning my black belt is just the beginning. Maybe I will continue on and earn higher degrees, but even if I don’t, it is about the fact that I listened to myself and responded. This tells me that I can continue to listen and respond for the rest of my life, no matter what the situation might be.
For me, it isn’t about why I would be a great black belt. Instead, it is about why a black belt would be great for me. Until last year, I would never have seen myself where I am today and where a black belt can take me. Knowledge, wisdom, strength, confidence, faith, determination, physical health, and spiritual and emotional awareness are just a few of the things that I have seen grow and I know will continue to grow on the road to earning my black belt. These are things that I could develop through very few other pursuits. I don’t know that I have anything more to offer than anyone else, which would make me a better candidate for a black belt, but I know that what it has to offer me is something I can not deny or refuse."
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Book Club
Book buddies! I love this and our expressions are awesome! You just gots to love a good book and how it brings sisters together.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Laugh all you want . . . I am!
So, I have been looking through my mom's pictures so that I can work on a Christmas project and I thought I would share some of those beloved school pictures that we all treasure.
Kindergarten at Grantsville Elementary, Grantsville, Utah 1983/84
1st grade at Manzanita Elementary, Newbury Park, California 1984/85
2nd grade at Peach Hill Elementary, Moorpark, California 1986/87
1st day of school 1987. This is one reason why people always thought we were twins. . .
3rd grade at Mountain Meadows Elementary, Moorpark, California 1987/88
Check out those buck teeth and that sneaky grin...
4th grade at Campus Canyon Elementary, Moorpark, California 1988/89
2nd year with braces!
5th grade at Flory Elementary, Moorpark, California 1989/90
3rd year with braces....
And one other that I thought was fun!
Seven years old and already planning to go on a mission. Moorpark Ward, Thousand Oaks Stake, Old TO Stake Center
Kindergarten at Grantsville Elementary, Grantsville, Utah 1983/84
1st grade at Manzanita Elementary, Newbury Park, California 1984/85
2nd grade at Peach Hill Elementary, Moorpark, California 1986/87
1st day of school 1987. This is one reason why people always thought we were twins. . .
3rd grade at Mountain Meadows Elementary, Moorpark, California 1987/88
Check out those buck teeth and that sneaky grin...
4th grade at Campus Canyon Elementary, Moorpark, California 1988/89
2nd year with braces!
5th grade at Flory Elementary, Moorpark, California 1989/90
3rd year with braces....
And one other that I thought was fun!
Seven years old and already planning to go on a mission. Moorpark Ward, Thousand Oaks Stake, Old TO Stake Center
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!!!!
When I was a kid, we used to all pack in the car and drive over to Thrifty Drug and Discount (Thrify's as we called it) and get an ice cream cone. Anywhere we lived in the LA area, we had a Thrifty's and they had this awesome ice cream counter with at least 20 flavors. When I was little, I loved the Rainbow Sherbet. Then as I grew older I enjoyed the Cookies and Creme, but then when we were allowed 2 scoops, I usually got Chocolate Malted Krunch and Mint n Chip (Mom always sent us in and that was her signature combo as well, but she always added the request, ". . . in a cup with a spoon.") When I was only 6 and we lived in Agoura, I remember a single scoop being only 10 or 15 cents and as time passed, the highest I remember the single scoop was about 70 cents. Rite Aid bought out Thrifty's before I graduated high school, but they kept the ice cream counter and still serve it.
Tonight I was eating a bowl of ice cream and wishing that the Rite Aid here had an ice cream counter of Thrifty's ice cream, but it is all just a piece of post WW2 California nostalgia that is going the way of the dime store and the soda fountain.
Check out this video of an awesome old ad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S679-gvdGqQ
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Family pictures
Mom on Santa's lap. She looks a bit nervous, don't you think?
Annie and big brother, Mikey. I can't decide who Michael looks more like. . . I guess it depends on the day and the background lighting. Here he looks like a good mixture of both my parents. Dad's eyes. Mom's nose. 
Michael, Kelly, Anne.But here he looks just like Mom!
Michael at the Special Olympics in Park City, Utah.
Michael at the Special Olympics in Park City, Utah.
Wow!
Michael gets ordained a deacon. Moorpark, California. Doesn't he look sharp? Brother Fairbanks bought him that suit. (Here he looks just like Mom too) 
Kelly wins the Keyhole race. Tooele, Utah. 
Oops! But isn't it precious? Kelly and Mikey. .
All the kids visiting Grandma Bertie in Russellville, Arkansas. 1980 
Kelly and Mike. Monticello 
Kelly's baptism day. 1981.
Kelly and Erin. Tooele, Utah 1982ish.
Grandma and her siblings in Arkansas. 1930's 
Grandma with some hot sailors. Woot woot! 
Erin at the park in Agoura Hills, California. Why is that cute belly button always showing? 
My Grandma Irene and Bucky just a few months before he passed away from cancer. This was taken at a friend's house in Thousand Oaks, California in 1980.
I think it was her 3rd birthday. Look at that belly button! She got a purse and is proudly showing Kelly. This was at the house in Grantsville. Note the paneled walls. Yuck!
One of the first memories I have of Disneyland. Erin was 7, I think. 
Holding hands???? We must have been on good terms that day. 
If you know her, I am sure you understand. hahaha. Kelly upset because the sun is in her eyes.
Deeda and Fowie on their 50th anniversary in front of their home he built in Los Angeles. 8712 Cadillac Avenue. 
My mom and her cousins, Tim Henson (pushing the stroller) and Calvin Brown (in the stroller). 
My grandpa, Bucky, holding me. Kelly is the entertainment for the celebration. Grandma Bertie is watching from the background. Taken at our home in Monticello, Utah. Christmas 1978. This is one of my favorite pictures. I miss you Bucky! 
Mikey 4, Kelly 6, Annie 1 1/2, Erin 6 months. Notice Erin's fingers in her mouth again... I love Kelly's smile and me looking zoned out, my tongue doesn't fit in my mouth (that's what Bucky always said). I always stick it out like that, especially in pictures, or even more when I am concentrating.
Everyone used to ask if we were twins.
Erin the cake eater. I hope her babies look just like her! Erin looks like a clone of Mom (especially, her nose).
Mom in a beef box. What else is there to say? This is one of the pictures that shows how much Erin looks like Mom. If it were in color, you probably couldn't tell who it was.Friday, August 1, 2008
Everything changes in an instant
Everything seems completely different and strange the moment that you realize that you have lost a loved one. As you're going about your normal routine you get that phone call and the person on the other end cannot hide the truth no matter how hard they try.
As I was leaving my karate class tonight, I checked my voice mail and my sister said, "I just needed to tell you something important and I didn't know where you were and when you plan on being back." So I called her. That's when I knew it, something was wrong. "Well, I just need to tell you something about someone in Moorpark."
"Well, what is it?"
"Well, I'll just tell you when you get home."
"Tell me now..."
"I just don't know if you can handle it while you're driving."
"Just tell me . . . "
"Well, Ginger . . . . passed away."
That's when it struck me. Driving home from karate class on a Friday night I found out that someone I have known and been friends with my whole life is no longer here. She left suddenly and no one seems to really know why. She just didn't wake up and her husband, 4 young children, and family and friends are all shocked.
All the memories and conversations, arguments, parties, and laughter flood through your head so fast that you can't comprehend it all. Questions that I wish could be answered pop up furiously like on a computer screen. It is as if it is all a dream, but I know it has to be real, because no dream would be this clear.
Ginger, the girl who always asked me when I was going to have my birthday party (ironically, tomorrow is my birthday) because she wanted to make sure that nothing conflicted. "You're parties are always the best! I never want to miss them."
The one who I will always think of every time I hear the song, "Eternal Flame" and see her lipsinging in the ward talent show at 11 years old.
The one who I sat with almost every day at lunch Freshman year (the only year she actually went to Moorpark High).
The girl who always shared a tent with me at Girl's Camp and made sure that my shorts were to my knees or my fingertips, whichever was longer.
We snuck up to "convenient" every time she came over to fill up on chocolate and treats, things she was forbidden to have at home.
She laughed at me as she hit me in the face with a snowball and I jumped on her and pushed her three feet deep into the soft snow on a ski trip to Mammoth Mountain.
She has four beautiful children who look just like her and will always remind her family and friends of her every time they see them.
I have known Ginger as long as I can remember. I can't tell you when we first met. She was just always there from the moment we moved to California in 1985. I can't tell you when we became friends. When someone who you have known for that long is gone the whole world seems to flip upside down in an instant and you feel like you are left clinging to whatever you can grab just so that you don't fly right off the edge of the planet.
As I was leaving my karate class tonight, I checked my voice mail and my sister said, "I just needed to tell you something important and I didn't know where you were and when you plan on being back." So I called her. That's when I knew it, something was wrong. "Well, I just need to tell you something about someone in Moorpark."
"Well, what is it?"
"Well, I'll just tell you when you get home."
"Tell me now..."
"I just don't know if you can handle it while you're driving."
"Just tell me . . . "
"Well, Ginger . . . . passed away."
That's when it struck me. Driving home from karate class on a Friday night I found out that someone I have known and been friends with my whole life is no longer here. She left suddenly and no one seems to really know why. She just didn't wake up and her husband, 4 young children, and family and friends are all shocked.
All the memories and conversations, arguments, parties, and laughter flood through your head so fast that you can't comprehend it all. Questions that I wish could be answered pop up furiously like on a computer screen. It is as if it is all a dream, but I know it has to be real, because no dream would be this clear.
Ginger, the girl who always asked me when I was going to have my birthday party (ironically, tomorrow is my birthday) because she wanted to make sure that nothing conflicted. "You're parties are always the best! I never want to miss them."
The one who I will always think of every time I hear the song, "Eternal Flame" and see her lipsinging in the ward talent show at 11 years old.
The one who I sat with almost every day at lunch Freshman year (the only year she actually went to Moorpark High).
The girl who always shared a tent with me at Girl's Camp and made sure that my shorts were to my knees or my fingertips, whichever was longer.
We snuck up to "convenient" every time she came over to fill up on chocolate and treats, things she was forbidden to have at home.
She laughed at me as she hit me in the face with a snowball and I jumped on her and pushed her three feet deep into the soft snow on a ski trip to Mammoth Mountain.
She has four beautiful children who look just like her and will always remind her family and friends of her every time they see them.
I have known Ginger as long as I can remember. I can't tell you when we first met. She was just always there from the moment we moved to California in 1985. I can't tell you when we became friends. When someone who you have known for that long is gone the whole world seems to flip upside down in an instant and you feel like you are left clinging to whatever you can grab just so that you don't fly right off the edge of the planet.
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